Not having the ability to go into the future and show you the food I am making for brunch tomorrow, I instead offer you the view from where tomorrow's pre-brunch 5K will be. Hey -- Minneapolis. I love you.

Tomorrow I’m going to HeartBeat 5000, a 5K benefiting Children’s Hospitals and Clinics of Minnesota. I’ll be under the registration tent as a volunteer, not under the sun as someone who would willingly run three miles. I’m volunteering with a group of friends, and afterward they’re all coming over for brunch. While I am opposed to the cutesy joining of two words to form a new word (guesstimate!), I support the juxtaposition of classy dishes alongside normally-not-classy drinking-before-noon. They cancel each other out in a way that society has deemed appropriate. It’s best not to question it.

I’ve set a spicy theme for the brunch. I’m also opposed to themed meals. But, as established in the previous paragraph, brunch defies logic.

But wait, you say. Get back to this spicy theme. OK, I say. Let’s examine the menu:

• huevos rancheros – spicy black beans with salsa and sour cream atop a crispy tortilla! (I demand more reasons to use the word “atop”)
• spicy cheddar hashbrowns – made from scratch!
• pepper jelly pastries – puff pastries filled with pepper jelly (duh) and cream cheese!
• Bloody Mary bar – with horseradish vodka and tomato vodka!

Here’s a secret, though. Don’t tell anyone. I have a few things on the menu that are not spicy, as I enjoy overplanning:

• watermelon granita – a delicious blend of watermelon, lemon juice, sugar and vodka!
• champagne granita – champagne thrown in the ice cream maker!
• yogurt with strawberries, blueberries and agave nectar – to make sure there is enough for everyone!

So. Help me. Let’s just say yogurt, champagne and watermelon do not require spice. We’ll break theme. Don’t tell whoever keeps track of brunch themes. (Wait. Is it me?)

What other spicy dishes or drinks would you serve for brunch? Say things. I’m lonely. And I have to make this stuff tonight.