I’ve had a few deaths in the kitchen lately, which, as a vegetarian, really takes a lot of work.
First the toaster became an overachiever. It would toast, but it wouldn’t stop toasting. And, as it turns out, that step is just as important. Toasting required a vigilant guard who would rip the cord from the wall when the desired level of browning was achieved. (Fun Fact: You can make Slice of Toast just like I taught you to make Nacho. You can even combine the two techniques to make Slice of Cheese Toast. True story.)
Being the cheapest man alive, I was fine with this toast-guarding situation for quite a while. But then the coffee maker shot itself in the face. It’s a grind-and-brew model, and the grinder no longer pushed its contents into the basket to brew. Again, I stood guard, opening the coffeemaker every morning and transferring the coffee grounds for it. This went on for two weeks. Then, this week, I awoke to find a coffee explosion in the kitchen. I think the carafe pissed off the rest of the coffeemaker, as its intended contents now just spill freely onto the floor and cabinets. The white floor and cabinets. But I find showing up to the office sleepy and covered in brown liquid lends a sense of professionalism and mystique.
Then, to complete this vicious cycle, I have been making dishes that are absolutely delicious but, well, not photogenic. First, a pea and paneer career. It tasted like heaven. But no photos could do it justice. While I admit I could not grab a good photo, if you judge Indian food by its appearance … well, good — there’s more for me that way.
Then we made Smoky Kale Chips. Absolutely delicious. But it looks like we baked leaves and ate them.
I’ll make you something pretty soon. After I bury my appliances.
By the way, thanks for the wonderful comfort food confessions. Cheez-Its with apple sauce. Hash browns. Whiskey. You people get me. Did you not share yours? Do it.